Comedy in the bathroom

At about 2 this morning, Zak came into our bed crying from a bad dream. Eventually, after a few minutes, he fell asleep again on his daddy's chest. So when K got up to move Zak back to his bed, I staggered into the bathroom, half-asleep, one eye closed, the other half-open. I didn't bother to turn on the light; I cleared the floor from toy-hazards before I slept. As I sat on the the toilet seat with my head lolling about, I could hear K's footsteps coming towards me. I couldn't utter a sound despite the desperate urge to shout BACK OFF!

K stood there right infront of me for maybe half a second trying to engage the gear in his brain to identify the big fat blob on the toilet seat. Half-frightened, half-curious, he covered his eyes with his left hand and extended his right hand to touch my head! This time, my eyes fluttered wide open. What the bloody thing is he doing?! As soon as he felt my hair, he went, HHHRRRRR! and did a quick successive double steps backwards like a frog gone out of balance. Because at that time only about 25% of my brain was awake, I only managed to say HEEYYYYY and he went, OH! I THOUGHT IT WAS THE WASHING!

As I crawled back into bed, I thought, how could the washing be in the toilet? Do I really look like a fat heap of dirty clothes in the dark? But I was too tired to clarify this with him; I just wanted to go back to sleep straight away. And then my body started shaking, from my feet up my hips and shoulders... I just couldn't help it! I started to convulse into a very painful and tired laughter. We were both laughing, almost crying, at the image of him covering his eyes with one hand while the other touching my head as if he was a blind priest scared to bless my soul in the dead of night in my bathroom throne. And those dance steps he did? That totally finished me off.