God help me

I'm trying to work on my computer. I needed to come up with a 2,500-word essay about what some bloke from Cambridge University said. If I don't do this well, all the work I did for the past 9 months would just go down the drain. Now, I'm not a writer, as you can see. It would take me 6 mornings to come up with a passable 2,000-word write-up on some legalese topics. I could patch up a couple of paragraphs for my blog in less than 10 minutes but that's because I am not paid to do so and I don't have a wide audience to appeal to - so no pressure there. Most importantly, my commenters are all nice people who tolerate my tendency to blabber incoherently - so that's the plus-side of it.

So I tried some techniques to get me back into focus. I made some popcorn. I ate it while it's hot, and then my mum-in-law decided to ring me at this most unsuitable time. I said, herro? and she said, what's the matter with you? I said, nohing! I'm eahing pohcohn! She said, you shouldn't stuff yourself with that! It's rubbish! Aren't you working? I said, I'm trying! Then she said, you're going to be FAT! I said, thank you!

Now, that didn't help at all, did it? So I went back to my computer. I have planned my structure about 7 hours ago and until now, that's the only thing on the page. My husband called and asked how everything is going. I said, it's going swimmingly. He asked me to remember my deadline all the time. This is no time to procrastinate, he said. I asked him how to spell procrastinate and he said, never mind that!

So I went back into eating the now cool (ish) popcorn. Still, nothing comes to mind. I see the words. STATIC. REGULATORS. JUDGES. EVIDENCE. But I couldn't connect them all. I couldn't make sense of these bloody words.

I got a call. How's the essay doing? I said, I'm writing. He said, good!

I didn't say I'm writing this post!