Friday, 7 April 2006

Balancing Act

Since Lewis was born 5 weeks ago, Zak had a tough balancing time. At first, having a new baby brother was a novelty, but then of course, it soon wore off. He enjoyed the first week when he constantly received presents and cards from family and friends. I don't know what went through his head but I'm sure it's along the equation of new baby brother = new toys plus lots of attention. But then constant sleepless nights took its toll and so the attention focused on him eventually lessened and soon enough, CBeebies took over as his nanny, which of course, with guilt feelings we just allowed.

However, we always make sure that we always eat our meals as family and this routine was never sacrificed. But instead of just three people eating, another person is on standby in a moses basket or pram. This makes a whole lot of difference that it makes Zak declare (constantly, in fact) that he wants to be a baby (again). The attention and time I give to Lewis makes Zak want for more love. There are times when I see in his eyes the hurt of being sidelined. Instead of me cuddling him for two hours when he wakes up in the morning, I am breastfeeding Lewis every two hours instead. Time with him became divided and sorted between me and K. These all proved to be very confusing.

This confusion is sometimes manifested by him trying to pinch Lewis, or by screaming at him to make him jump. Of course, this necessitates us to tell him off which all the more makes him feel hurt. I feel guilty sometimes but I also realise that it's high time for him to learn to share. He has been the focus of attention by all of us in the family, and that includes my parents-in-law and my sister-in-law and her husband. Before Lewis, he was the only grandchild and nephew, and we thought that he was becoming spoilt.

But he is coping. And I think he is coping really really well. After his first few days of hurdle, he learned to ignore the baby and just get on with his busy little life. And I'm sure he doesn't need to learn to love Lewis anymore. He already does.


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