Sunday, 7 September 2008

How to be British

There is only one way to become a citizen of Britain: know how to talk about the weather.

You don't need to become a weather forecaster; you just need to have an eye for the weather and the right words and phrases to go with it. Learning to say something about it will take you a long way across the British Isles and into the arms of the most stiff-upper-lipped British.

'Lovely day, isn't it?' is one conversation opener. Obviously, it has to be a lovely day as well or else you'll sound like a moron who says good when it's bad. You also need to learn how to moan. A lot. 'Ugh, It's too warm! I canna cope wi' this, ya know!' Or 'Horrible, innit? Bloody cold again, whadaya know?!'

Sometimes, it's just a straightforward commentary:

'Pissing again, isn't it?'
'It is, isn't it? Awful!'
'It was exactly like this ten years ago.'
'It was, wasn't it.'
'Oh, I remember it very well. 1998 it was.'
'Yeah, 1998. Yeah!'
'Or was it 1997? Yeah, 1997 I think it was.'
'Yeah, it was 1997.'
'I don't like the rain at all. I can't cope with it.'
'No, I don't like it either. No.'
'I don't like it when it gets too hot as well.'
'No, I don't like the heat.'

And so on and so forth. The secret is agreeing all the time to whoever you're talking with, especially if that person comes from the north of England.

Britain doesn't have tropical storms or hurricane and yet when the weather changes, like when it's been raining and then it stops and the sun comes out, oh! there's so much to talk about like a miracle has just happened.

And if the weather gets too bad and you have exhausted all the phrases you learned and you're fed up agreeing all the time, just put the kettle on and have a cup of tea. Yes, you also need to learn to drink tea with milk if you want to continue being British!


Ria said...

Hi there stopping by to say hello. Im from the UK too. :) Nice blog u have here. TC

betchai said...

:) this is funny Soy. Thanks forSounds like a group of spoiled people.

There are similarities here, liken when it rains, people thinks there is miracle that happened, and you would hear ladies talking about how the roses in their gardens would bloom. But if it would rain for days which seldom happen, people talk like they haven't seen sun for a year. Like, "am depressed, i don't see sun!" If the temps would fall in the 50s, they would complain it is cold, if the temps would go to 80s, they would complain it is too hot. if the humidity will rise, they would complain, "sucks. i can't stand the humidity. just too much." sometimes, i think if they can live somewhere at all.

i love tea with milk :) and for desert, i love tea with milk and milk pudding. hihi.

Joy said...

Did you just have this conversation? :D

How are you, Soy?

A Pinay In England
Norwich Daily Photo
I, Woman

lynneth said...

hahahahahaa, that makes me laugh! somehow it sounds like a brain torture... but got to learn the accent and all!

sorry not to comment off late... been away, then been bc...

HiPnCooLMoMMa said...

don't you think it's tiresome agreeing with them all the time? di yata ako pede dyan, LOL

denden said...

How about this for a conversation opener?

"I am so sick of this gloom, i think i am suffering from SAD." Hehe!

That's what i told my boss this morning.

caryn said...

soy! this is hilarious! ;-) it sounds like something out of an agatha christie book

Analyse said...


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